I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
