dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
