I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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