A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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