One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
