Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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