twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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