I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
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I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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