oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
