i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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