Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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