Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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