So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
