he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
