Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
