my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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