We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
