Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
