saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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