Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I look better un-naked...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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