pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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