He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
