Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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