sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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