She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
