So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
