I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
