if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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