I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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