Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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