I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
