Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
whose ass print is on the piano?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
