You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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