I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
