We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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