God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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