My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
