4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
