It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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