i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
