he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
