We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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