Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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