This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
