so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
