I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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