If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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