don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
