Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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