never play flip cup with pint glasses
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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