someone threw a dead crab at me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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