Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize