Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
