i think my tv is drunk
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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