He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
