his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
