I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
