So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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