if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
