Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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