Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
MIDGETS
????
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
