it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drunk is not a location!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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