Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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