so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
