so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
