Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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