I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
