i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
