The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
