I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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