am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
last night I used snow as a chaser
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
