What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bring me that man meat
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
