remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
