Michael Bay diarrhea
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
