I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
