I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
