I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
