Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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