Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
