You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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