so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
