I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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