I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
