I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
